In the Club...

He looked at me
With eyes accustomed in the punctuated darkness
The darkness elope me
Yet still -- I saw the traces of his silhouette
covered in a light colored knit fabric masquerading as lycra across an expanse of perfect “peclechure”, draping those broad shoulders just enough to make out the indentations of dedicated time--clearly evident from the guns that cling and stretch the knit to a designer’s delight

His look turned into concentration
Penetrating the space intently
Purposely creating a zone of eye communication
Unashamed
The glimmer in his eyes was playful
But precise and deliberate
Taking his time
Sizing the sweetness of the kill

I obliged his challenge
Causing blood stimulation
He licked his lips like players often do
Were they dry or was it a sign of his thoughts?
I traced my lips with my pinky ever slowly
His eyes danced

In a second
The distance dissipated
His hands were in my hands
And the darkness disappeared
I blinked and he was real

Flirting - Is it a Crime?

He touched me with the intent of his eyes. The smile was warm making me fuzzy inside. The words he uttered filled my consciousness leaving me with a feeling so longed for but yet allusive. My other half was across the room but “he” was in front of me admiring playfully and I stood there transfixed like a newbie wanting more of this tall glass of water tipping the scales with definitive musculature on his six foot three frame.

I flirted with my body language as the exchange between us was brief but the intent at that moment was mutual. My partner must have notice the exchanged as he appeared by my side out of the blue. The mystery politely excused him with the offer of retrieving a drink for which partner thanked him by stating he will handle the honors.

The argument commenced….

Question:
Did I do something wrong?

Are there any noteworthy flirting stories…let us know?

Tolerance

Does your life read like a novel? Mine does - I'm actually writing one - and somehow a smile breaks as I reflect on tolerance. Have you ever realize “love” evokes many emotions but somehow in maturity the employment of patience and tolerance emerged as my greatest lessons.

My decisions are analytical and fused with understanding. The reactions to those decisions are based on patience and I utilize this reactionary patience as double edge sword after tolerance has been exhausted. It can be said I’m calculating but who isn’t when love is concerned.

My friends always question my levels of tolerance when in fact they should question my motives.

Case in point:

A year ago, a friend of mine came to visit and he brought along a buddy of his. At the end of the visit his buddy exchanged numbers with both my partner and me. On two occasions afterwards buddy called me and asked whether he could slum at our house on his visit and I gave an affirmative answer. On these two occasions he never showed up or called to give a reason why he didn’t make it after I prepared for him. I told my close friend about his buddy and then he informs me how shady the buddy is.

So on third occasion he opted not to call me but called my partner to inquire about slumming at our place. I told my partner I didn’t care for him to be there but it’s up to him seeing that the house is his. I informed my partner however he would be his guest and his responsibility.

Now this situation happened two more times and I kept my distance. I was cordial but cold as buddy never apologized for being inconsiderate. However, buddy and my partner kick it off and chat all the time. On his last visit I noticed an agenda by the buddy but I checked my suspicions as I sometimes tend to over analyze situations.

We all went out to the “Puppy” a popular local dive and on our return home buddy insisted on soliciting a street walker. Partner wasn’t happy about it but he obliged his buddy. I was well on my way to feeling good from three vodka and sevens so I didn’t care about it seeing that buddy was going to have a good time. Trade and I are talking downstairs and I realize partner and buddy wasn’t in the room so I go to the guest room upstairs and see buddy on his knees with his face in partner’s private area. You know, I definitely sobered up when my eyes connected with partner and he moved away. Needless to say party was over.

This is the clincher, I’m away tending to a family emergency when partner calls and says buddy is coming to town wanting to stay at the house. He asked again about how I feel and I reiterate my feelings but still he made it his decision to have him there. Now buddy has partner all to himself without any interference from me.

Is this tolerance, stupidity or both not to mention disrespectful of my feelings.

Is Omission Untruthful?

Let me set the scene ….

Your partner goes to work comes home retires to bed without eating due to tiredness. Before he retires he powers up his laptop for you to use as yours isn’t working. Low and behold partner receives an instant message with an opening line that startles you, so you do the unthinkable and become your partner to find the meaning behind the opening line.

It’s obvious his lunch hour was taxing and hard but thoroughly enjoyable and he thought it prudent not to convey this minor indiscretion. Cheating men and women alike employ an opinion that what you don’t know you don’t need to know. But is that right? Most times your intuition is right but do you really want to know.

Enjoy the IM…and then answer the question.

Is omission untruthful?

shourty20: Did u enjoy yorself
me: hmmm
shourty20: That'z what up
shourty20: when r u going to come through again
me: how long has it been
shourty20: for what me: sorry...trying to multi task
me: yes...I did enjoy
shourty20: That'z what up now u see that i was not just talking;;)
me: You did it shawty...
shourty20: thanks
shourty20: where r u at work still
me: Yep...just finishing up...
shourty20: Oh okay cool u going to tha gym or u going to your other jod
me: gym
shourty20: oh okay cool
me: When do you want me to pass through again
shourty20: u tell me
me: My schedule is tight...but after that...you surely can fit in
shourty20: cool that'zwhat up yo
me: ok I'll let you know....hey...Did u enjoy yorself....
shourty20: i liked wehn we was kissing
shourty20: Yes i did enjoy myself every part of it
shourty20: :-*
me: Turn me on and tell me..all that we did...while I play with myself before I leave for the gym
shourty20: what gym do u go to
shourty20: u r going to play with youself before u live tha gym
me: LA Fitness...
shourty20: which one
me: I go to any one...depending on which one is convenient for me ... tonight I'm going to LaVista
me: Tell me what I asked you...I only have a few minutes before I closed up
shourty20: what part
me: ALL...as you have me getting warm
shourty20: i like everything
shourty20: thae way u kissed me licked my nipple and ate my azz
shourty20: :">
shourty20: what up u there
shourty20: what u doin playin with your dick
shourty20: i had to reload my computer

Mom's Revelation

Today was a day of revelation as my mom was informed that there has been a recurrence of cancer after a year-and-a-half remission. Not at all good news. Her mental outlook at 67 stressed my very core due to prior conversations about her self imposed limitations with regards to treatment. Her deflated look rocked my conviction to be strong but I was determined to be her rock of Gilbratar though my heart cried.

A minute of claustrophobia consumed me. I long for fresh air --- outside the confines of the air conditioned office. I needed to breathe God's air for strength and feel the slight breeze swirl around me. Once outside I remembered a poem that I wrote in a moment like this...

The slight breeze
sends a coolness to my warmth
easing the burden of today's sun

This same slight breeze
takes me away to another world
of visions untold as stories unfold

On this slight breeze
I feel my essence -- my mojo
as my inherent nature gurgles and rises
sharpening my senses as this breeze
invigorates my soul

I retreat within--and yet
the breeze catches me, swirls around me
softly it plays up with me--teasingly
whispering its notes in my peripheral exterior

Oh breeze, this breeze
soak me with your uniqueness
guide me with your precociousness
and leave me with your strength

Copyright ©2009 Doug Anthony

Mood Takeover

To write is therapy...a release of thought processes which have garnered attention. So many experiences deserving of documentation but the energy to do so evades physical interaction between pen and paper.

Lately, there have been two to many "gone to soons" that have been a part of my evolution. Contemplating on the way it used to be elicit smiles and tears. How sad when mortality finally becomes mortal. Death always causes reflection, sometimes wondering what contribution can be attributed to you. Have you volunteered, mentored or made a significant impact in the lives of others? It's to hard to think now, so I drink -- my daily heinee vitamin.

Why are same gender relationships doomed from their start? Why are we as gay men "like children" -- wanting every color candy in the jar -- using excuses like -- all we do is argue -- I have needs -- you do not pay me any attention. Instead of communicating their alter ego wins over reasoning and in the aftermath you wonder why trust becomes an issue. It's too hard to think now, so I drink and I know I should not -- heinee wets my throat.

Do we really love? How do you know your in love? I'm "in love" and I truly believe he loves me but the love hurts. This love, our love cuts deeply for I'm a simple man with simple manners just wanting honesty and communication but instead the simple things in life seems to now evade the longevity of the union. Maybe it's me, and refusal to accept or to wake up to the new shade of love. It's really hurts to think now hence a new heinee.

It's an easy Sunday but my mind is thwarted with issues, family, professional and intimate. I'm human and in need of man sex -- that animalistic throw down flip over in your face passionate mingling -- but I don't want to cheat least I become him and guilt consume me for a minute. The option of masturbation is passe...Hence the stupor I'm putting myself in...It doesn't hurt to think now....heinee is beginning to create a buzz , I know my nipples are hardening -- so down goes more heinee.

On this Sunday my countenance is troubled, the soul bleeds to repair the hurt as I try to reconcile these incessant feelings. My friend, heinee is till here four more to go and then I shall sleep the day away.

The Moment of Tears

Have you ever cried, really cried and after the last tear, you wondered why you were crying in the first place? Sadness or the realization of something lost as opposed to something gained. After all, we are MALES and stigma suggests there isn’t any room for weakness.

But I am – weak, recalling those times as a child when the switch tore into my backside, or the unexpected tingling sting on my face from the “almighty-get-it-right” palm or that time when I knew a beating was a coming and dressed in four to five pajamas to protect my molecules only for my angry father to beat me down buckle style for being rude to the teacher.

As a MAN signs of weaknesses linger still. Death of loved ones and friends unleashes the mysteries of the water in private moments as well as failed relationships where I loved hard. Tears seem to come from a poignant movie or sheer joy for an accomplishment, maybe also a churchgoer testimony.

Am I weak or human?


The Moment of Tears

My walls of Jericho,
came tumbling down.
It was over.
The glass was shattered discreetly,
yet so abruptly.

I felt no pain,
only loneliness.
The mind was disturbed.
Reflections reminiscent.

From this moment on,
there would be only memories.
This was no dream.
This was reality.
He would be no more.
I cried.

Copyright ©2009 Doug Anthony

As a Man do you show your weaknesses? How do you conceal your fear? Is it important to you how you’re perceived – faults and all?