Young and F**K up
I picked up another brand of tea yesterday...called Passion...it has a healthy selection of teas...so I made an investment... this a.m. I'm sipping on strawberry delight...the word passion got my attention yesterday...talk about needing a lil sum sum right now is an understatement...but I'm a good Catholic and such thoughts reminded me...I needed to say my morning prayers...
Why do we (me included) as a people...say things to one another...that cut us like a knife...wounding us deeply. Growing up my parents told us that words are just that... words and you should not allow anyone to hurt you with their words...back then I didn't understand their advice until I grew older and became involved in the pageant business...the perceived connotations of being in that business ..it's like creative professionals can only be gay...then the assumptions began...and the name calling began...and at one point...I was alone...really alone one day with my thoughts, with my insecurities, still living a lie trying to make my family happy, trying to fight urges...how long could I put up this act...being someone that I really wasn't...but still in the same body...I was trapped...I remained trapped by me...doing the same thing day in and day out...pleasing who...not me...why?...I was a total wreck...
Besides this day...there was only one other time when I was fifteen...and was going through some serious scenarios with my father...an abusive alcholic...and I was at my lowest...and penned these words...back then I showed it to my priest whom I trusted with my thoughts...he could not believe I wrote these words so young...:
Life and growing up never turned out how I dreamt and fantasized about it.
Life took on an unexpected turns in the midst of my youth and dealt out disastrous blows.
But... as each day goes by,
I’ve learned to have patience and to cope with life’s constant problems
brought on by my selfish ignorance of not evaluating and looking into the future.
There is one thing one has to live with for the rest of his natural life the consequences,
he must bear or suffer for all his actions.
Regrets are many, results few and still,
life’s a constant cycle repeating itself.
I look at these words even today and wonder...how close my life for a long time was patterned around these words...it came a point at twenty-seven...when courage had nothing to with pride...when pride had nothing to do with others but me...I let go off all harbored thoughts and feelings of others...I always lived for others and not me ...it was time to break that constant cycle... and so... began the process to find me...the evolution of me has brought me to a place now where...words don't affect me...where I am the most important thing to me...I am in a good place...comfortable and free to discover life possibilites as me...
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." - Confucius
Why do we (me included) as a people...say things to one another...that cut us like a knife...wounding us deeply. Growing up my parents told us that words are just that... words and you should not allow anyone to hurt you with their words...back then I didn't understand their advice until I grew older and became involved in the pageant business...the perceived connotations of being in that business ..it's like creative professionals can only be gay...then the assumptions began...and the name calling began...and at one point...I was alone...really alone one day with my thoughts, with my insecurities, still living a lie trying to make my family happy, trying to fight urges...how long could I put up this act...being someone that I really wasn't...but still in the same body...I was trapped...I remained trapped by me...doing the same thing day in and day out...pleasing who...not me...why?...I was a total wreck...
Besides this day...there was only one other time when I was fifteen...and was going through some serious scenarios with my father...an abusive alcholic...and I was at my lowest...and penned these words...back then I showed it to my priest whom I trusted with my thoughts...he could not believe I wrote these words so young...:
Life and growing up never turned out how I dreamt and fantasized about it.
Life took on an unexpected turns in the midst of my youth and dealt out disastrous blows.
But... as each day goes by,
I’ve learned to have patience and to cope with life’s constant problems
brought on by my selfish ignorance of not evaluating and looking into the future.
There is one thing one has to live with for the rest of his natural life the consequences,
he must bear or suffer for all his actions.
Regrets are many, results few and still,
life’s a constant cycle repeating itself.
I look at these words even today and wonder...how close my life for a long time was patterned around these words...it came a point at twenty-seven...when courage had nothing to with pride...when pride had nothing to do with others but me...I let go off all harbored thoughts and feelings of others...I always lived for others and not me ...it was time to break that constant cycle... and so... began the process to find me...the evolution of me has brought me to a place now where...words don't affect me...where I am the most important thing to me...I am in a good place...comfortable and free to discover life possibilites as me...
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." - Confucius
posted by Da Jardin at 1:40 AM
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