New Musings

I write again after eight months, five days in this new year seeing another birthday, a new president -- yes indeed! -- a new black president as destiny continues to prevail.

Fourteen years ago on this date, we buried our beloved "mama" in a small place. My counternance lingers in a sweet melancholy as recollections of "my rock" invades my state shattering my manliness producing puddles. I didn't cry at her funeral. I had to be strong but I've cried since. I inherited her spirit of independence, entrepreneurship, kindness towards others and organizational acumen. I miss her daily. I miss her.

So much has transpired, good and bad, goals met and unmet yet hope still lingers around the corner inspiring still. Do you asked yourself as I do sometimes the -- When this? Why not?
I've realized now at these indecisive times I use these questions to explain away failures. How sad.

It's funny that I know "I can" do more to accomplish more and yet complacency wins. Is that my destiny to be complacent. Have I lived a life watching mom settle and complacent that I've adopted her life. I hope not as what kind of role model am I for my young adult son.

The year has already commenced in difficulty and still is...Staying positive is hard at times and the future for me is the next minute and that too is bleak.

I left a small place where one's proclivity traps you into personal exile to live in a place where one's proclivity is open. Am I happy in a place where the candy jar jolts as you leave the front door...where the person you love says he loves you yet takes monogamy outsides the realm of its definition.

I read blogs and note happiness in the tone of their words... I too seek that state of mind instead of my state of condition. Maybe, just maybe one day...

My comfort is writing so I need to begin to fulfill my destiny and believe that "yes I can to yes I will" so that I can say "yes I did"!